are what you seek in everything that happened in your life. Sometimes you find it extremely difficult to find meanings in a certain series of unfortunate events. Don’t beat yourself up to understand them. They will begin to dawn on you sooner or later.  It may take a while. You can take your time. But, in the process, there are certain things that you should remember.

You should remember that you can’t control everything and you can only control your own mind and feelings. You have the power to not let anything or anyone makes you feel that you are insignificant and worthless (no matter how hard it is to think otherwise given the situation). Cause you know you aren’t. You know you gave it all. You know you were serious about what you did.  But if that’s not enough, just don’t beat yourself up.  Let alone feel sorry for yourself. Not only it’s stupid, but it’s also unproductive.

You should also remember that you always ALWAYS have choices (anyone who said otherwise should really have a reality check). But, as far as choices go, be sure that it is not an emotional decision that you wish to pursue. Just think it through. And once you have made the choice to move on, then you have to swallow that pill no matter how bitter it may taste. The past is past. It is done. It is unchangeable. Move on. Consider this a clean slate. Leave the old luggage behind and start to look for ways that will help you improve yourself. Work smarter. Redeem yourself.

This is not a note about anguish. This is not a note about exasperation. Cause as far as anguish and despair go, you recall what Douglas MacArthur once said “You are as young as your faith, as old as your doubt; as young as your self-confidence, as old as your fear; as young as your hope, as old as your despair”. This is you being strong. This is you being smart. This is you being positive for you’ve chosen to be young and free. This is how you grow. So therefore you don’t give up.

I won’t give up.

[Theme Song: Journey's Don't Stop Believing]

Dedicated to my rocks. You know who you are

Today marks exactly one year since I joined the company. There were 12 of us (whom I prefer to refer to as my batch). One year has gone by and three friends have left before us. One is off to Kuwait, one will fly to Tokyo, and another decided to leave the company to work in Indonesia Central Bank. All for all the right reasons

In my one year of tenure in this company my job ranges from helping out to prepare a proposal for potential projects, moonlighting as Markcomm evangelist to design communication materials for various events, testing and configuring SAP FI – CO functionalities, to training users on SAP Enterprise Controlling Consolidation System, an accounting term that I never thought that I will ever learn in my entire career life.

Looking back I realize that it is true that my job is not always about rainbows and lolliepops. It is true that I have had some good roles and sitting-on-the-bench role. It is true that up to this point of time I haven’t really bought the idea of totally succumbing to Accounting and becoming a FI expert knowing that I’m a computer science graduate and that everyday here is a tough day at work. It is true that I still have my other and bigger passion in life and will always try to find ways to realize it. But, still I wish myself and my batch all the best in the new fiscal year 09. Keep up the high performance and hope there will be more opportunities to come!

And I’d just like to share a quote or two that I got from my enjoyable experience at Core Analyst School last July. All credits belong to my Faculty Dave and Sonia

Always seek for what you want in life and reach for it

Make the small decisions in life with your head and the big decisions with your heart

It’s okay to show it off sometimes

by: Santana feat. Steven Tyler

She said I feel stranded
And I can’t tell anymore
If I’m coming or I’m going
It’s not how I planned it
I’ve got a key to the door
But it just won’t open

And I know, I know, I know
Part of me says let it go
That life happens for a reason
I don’t, I don’t, I don’t
Because it never worked before
But this time, this time

I’m gonna try anything to just feel better
Tell me what to do
You know I can’t see through the haze around me
And I do anything to just feel better

And I can’t find my way
God I need a change
And I do anything to just feel better
Any little thing that just feel better

She said I need you to hold me
I’m a little far from the shore
And I’m afraid of sinking
You’re the only one who knows me
And who doesn’t ignore
That my soul is weeping

I know, I know, I know
Part of me says let it go
Everything must have a season
Round and round it goes
And every day’s the one before
But this time, this time

I’m gonna try anything that just feels better
Tell me what to do
You know I can’t see through the haze around me
And I do anything to just feel better

I can’t find my way
God I need a change
And I’d do anything to just feel better
Any little thing that just feel better

I’m tired of holding on
To all the things I ought to leave behind, yeah
It’s really getting old, and
I think I need a little help this time!

Det var hyggelig a moete deg og jeg oensker deg lykke til for prosjekten.

I shall be proud of myself for saving myself some time to remember all those words. It was just amazing to see how everything just seemed to work out. I mean look at how everything just fell into places tonight. And the greatest epiphany of all was that I know that this might be the end and good thing I’m prepared to let go cause I realized from the very beginning that I can never have what I can never have.

Having said that, still I know that one day I shall look back to this night and think that it was one of the best nights I had in my life. But for now, I’m good to go

P.S.: Thanks for everyone who has helped for making it happened. I owe you guys.

I actually posted something similar to this two years ago and left my old blog hanging with a post that pretty much contains a recap of last year’s Idol finale that it seems unfair, as much as how corny it may seem, to not post this thing yet again in my blog. Particularly because I think that American Idol season 7 is hands down the best season of the show so far. This is also the first time ever the one that I was rooting for made it to the grand finale, not to mention was crowned the winner of the competition. And that guy was David Cook.

While David Cook pretty much started this season with Simon bickering at him being a word nerd, I sort of missed most of the early episodes of the show. It was when the top twelve performed that I started to follow the season attentively and I did not miss a single episode afterwards although I always happened to only be able to catch the last rerun which is at 10.30 pm every Wednesday and Thursday night. And among the top twelve performances, I thought it was easy to spot the dark horse of the show, David Cook singing Eleanor Rigby was awesome. And seeing him performing Billie Jean pretty much brought me into believing that this guy is the one to beat and that I hoped that he will be: He’s got the voice (I love it every time he hits the money notes, those unbelievably high notes), I like the fact that he’s originally a rocker, he brings cool arrangements (although sometimes he ripped them off from some other musicians), and he knows when to sing a song as it is i.e. Music of the Night. I like the way that he saw the competition as a progression and the fact that he progressed every week (not to mention the fantastic physical makeover – Gosh, look how good looking this show have turned him into), he’s one the most sincere contestants I’ve ever seen, and it doesn’t hurt that he keeps on singing some of my favorite songs i.e. Always be my baby, Music of the Night, Baba O’ Reilly, and The World I Know.

I was pretty much clinging to a hope that finally my favorite would win the show until I witnessed the way Simon was butchering Cook the night when the top two performed, calling it a knockout, which made me pretty upset and sort of quit expecting that DC would steal the title. I left home the next morning to work feeling uneasy because I only got to see the first half an hour of the live result show from TV. Luckily, I have a lot of friends who are also looking forward for the result show. Some of them who were lucky enough to watch it live from home were giving me live report via YM. One of them graciously gave me this link for the result show live streaming. And I did not touch the link until all my friends told me that the winner of American Idol 2008 was about to be announced after the break. I then opened the link and sat there with my earphones on, heart pumping – no, seriously. It was the scene when that guy from telescope congratulated America for once again smashing the world record with 97.5 mills votes and gave the envelope to Ryan Seacrest. And the rest is history.

Ryan: “The winner, by 12 million votes, of American Idol 2008 is David….COOK!”

I came into a huge shock and was not believing what I just heard. I was brought back into reality with a lot of sudden YM and Gtalk window pop ups in my computer screen, everyone went hysterical, especially the ones who are really rooting for Cook from the beginning, and it was all live baby. I had my mom and my best friend (who is also rooting for Cook) calling me and telling me this good news that I already knew. The funny thing is that my former manager at work (if you ever read this, you know who you are) even buzzed me via MSN congratulated me that David Cook won cause she knew that I was rooting for the guy. That was just hilarious. David Cook WON the idol. I did not see it coming at all and it was just a pleasant surprise and what had become more pleasant than the surprise itself was seeing David Cook shared the spotlight with the other finalists and graciously applaud Archuleta in his winning moment. And that was just what makes him very deserving the title. That was a very awesome moment and it got me excited throughout the day. Minutes after the euphoria, everyone signed out and got back to work or went off to a meeting including me. It was just the most unique way of witnessing AI result show for me but that was just awesome and I could not be happier. Congratulations David Cook. It was a blazing hot entertainment and a total class act that you and the other finalists i.e. Archey, Carly, Michael Johns have brought to us. And the first time ever, I didn’t feel guilty watching American Idol at all. And I really really hate the feeling when the season is all over cause I won’t get to watch anything as cheesy and at the same time interesting as American Idol (season 7 in particular) cause I just love love the cheese of American Idol. And it doesn’t hurt at all that America got it right this time

P.S.: I watched the whole result show in the last rerun as usual. And my favorite highlights were as follow (in random order):

• David Cook and ZZ Top: I love the Elvis dance lol.
• David Archuleta and One Republic: I think the song is amazing
• The pips (Gladys Knight reconstructed): Ben Stiller, Jack Black, and Robert Downey Jr. are just hilarious.
• Top Twelve performing George Michael songs
• George Michael himself singing Praying for Time: A great song and he really is that good.

And my favorite post interview was actually David Cook at the Tonight Show with Jay Leno. Hilarious.

Warning: This post may contain spoiler

“So, my sister and Robbie were never able to have the time together they both so longed for… and deserved. Which ever since I’ve… ever since I’ve always felt I prevented. But what sense of hope or satisfaction could a reader derive from an ending like that? So in the book, I wanted to give Robbie and Cecilia what they lost out on in life. I’d like to think this isn’t weakness or… evasion… but a final act of kindness. I gave them their happiness. “

- Briony Tallis commenting on the ending of her 21st and last novel

Absolutely one of the saddest stories I’ve ever came across lately. It was nothing short of a love story and a story of a girl trying to make amends to everyone and to the lives she ruined. The casting was perfect. Keira Nightly and James McAvoy sure share the same chemistry. Despite the unexpected and sad ending, this film is easy to embrace and leaves you with contentment at heart. Totally recommend it.

Only I just found this video moments ago. And as much as how freak I may seem, I just need to post this.

Rest in Peace, Mr. Bradley Barron Renfro

“Why do we have to listen to our hearts?” the boy asked, when they had made camp that day.”Because, wherever your heart is, that is where you’ll find your treasure.”

“But my heart is agitated,” the boy said. “It has its dreams, it gets emotional, and it’s become passionate over a woman of the desert. It asks things of me and it keeps me from sleeping many nights, when I’m thinking about her.”

“Well, that’s good. Your heart is alive. Keep listening to what it has to say.”

Taken from the Alchemist written by Paulo Coelho

Scholarships update!

Australian Development Scholarship (failed, already got a notification letter. Sorry to hear that? Yea, me too)

Fulbright Master’s Degree Program (deadline: May 31 2008)

Erasmus Mundus International Master in Management of Information Technology (deadline: February 2 2008)

Erasmus Mundus European Master on Software Engineering (deadline: December 31 2008 )

HSP Huygens Programme (deadline: February 1 2008)

The thing that really frustrates me right now is: Who the hell can I get the other recommendation letter from??!! I only have one, and apparently that isn’t enough for EM IMMIT and HSP Huygens Programme. I was thinking to get it from my former Academic Adviser (AA) in my University. I know it will be pretty sound. But, I don’t know if he’s willing to write me one.  The clock is ticking and time is running out. Better find some way to obtain that freaking recommendation letter already!